on why I love this

Or, why I love Kristin Hersh and these sounds she creates.

This music means the world to me. That seems such a trite thing to say. But I don’t exactly know how to adequately express in words just HOW much this music means to me. It means MORE than the world to me.

This music consistently paints my physical world with beautiful colors that I wouldn’t see otherwise. This music makes that world so much more beautiful than it’d be otherwise. This music makes me happy on a level nothing else can, and that makes every aspect of my life better. It makes me a better person. It’s opened my eyes to things I wouldn’t have seen otherwise. It does this consistently. How could I not be forever indebted to that?

This music affects me deeply. I connected with it the first moment I heard my first Throwing Muses song. At that moment I knew I came home. I always thought of the concept of “home” as being more of a concept than a thing, anyway. Kristin’s music is “home” for me, complete with all the comforts that go along with that.

The music often affects me physically. There are songs I feel in this spot below my sternum and off to the left. There’s a song in which one word – just one word Kristin sings – vibrates itself from my shoulder across my chest. EVERY time. There are 50FOOTWAVE songs that make my arms buzz with energy, which feels a lot like your muscles do after a long workout. Not fatigued necessarily, but electrified and a little frayed. Some of the new Throwing Muses songs do this, too. Sometimes I feel them inside and have to shake them off, because I don’t know what else to do.

The music affects me visually. Some of the songs come with amazing imagery, like magnificent music videos I see in my head. I still trip so hard on Red Eyes (Season Sessions version, mostly) that I sometimes can’t listen to it while I’m driving. The imagery is that intense. It’s that beautiful, enthralling and mesmerizing. Status Quo is a magnificent tree covered in Spanish moss (rather than sapphires). White Bikini Sand is a glowing deep blue. The Grotto – the entire album – is this lovely old house with a wooden porch swing. I listen to that album and rock on that porch swing in the dark of midnight, just me, the stars and the night bugs. Kristin sings and the pictures appear, and it’s the most perfect place to be. It’s neither cold nor warm and the bugs don’t bite. A midnight Eden.

I could go on forever in my homage to the songs and their imagery. But my point is that every aspect of my life is better with this soundtrack. The songs are there for me when I’m happy. They’re there for me when I’m feeling sweet or angry or sad. When I’m really sad they understand if I ignore them for days. They don’t get insulted like people would, and they’re always there for me when I’m ready for them again. They morph and change with my life events and they never lie.

I will live every minute of my life loving this music as much as Kristin would want someone to love her music, if not more. I will breathe every breath of air for the rest of my life supporting these sounds. I will never take it for granted. I will always hear it with an open mind and let the songs say what they want to say. Sometimes they’re elusive, sometimes they’re up front and in my face. Whatever it is, I’m cool with it, because these songs are smarter than I’ll ever be. I’d be but a mere shell of myself without them, and I can never do that justice.

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