This music means the world to me. That seems such a trite thing to say. But I don’t exactly know how to adequately express in words just HOW much this music means to me. It means MORE than the world to me.

This music consistently paints my physical world with beautiful colors that I wouldn’t see otherwise. This music makes that world so much more beautiful than it’d be otherwise. This music makes me happy on a level nothing else can, and that makes every aspect of my life better. It makes me a better person. It’s opened my eyes to things I wouldn’t have seen otherwise. It does this consistently. How could I not be forever indebted to that?

This music affects me deeply. I connected with it the first moment I heard my first Throwing Muses song. At that moment I knew I came home. I always thought of the concept of “home” as being more of a concept than a thing, anyway. Kristin’s music is “home” for me, complete with all the comforts that go along with that.

The music often affects me physically. There are songs I feel in this spot below my sternum and off to the left. There’s a song in which one word – just one word Kristin sings – vibrates itself from my shoulder across my chest. EVERY time. There are 50FOOTWAVE songs that make my arms buzz with energy, which feels a lot like your muscles do after a long workout. Not fatigued necessarily, but electrified and a little frayed. Some of the new Throwing Muses songs do this, too. Sometimes I feel them inside and have to shake them off, because I don’t know what else to do.

The music affects me visually. Some of the songs come with amazing imagery, like magnificent music videos I see in my head. I still trip so hard on Red Eyes (Season Sessions version, mostly) that I sometimes can’t listen to it while I’m driving. The imagery is that intense. It’s that beautiful, enthralling and mesmerizing. Status Quo is a magnificent tree covered in Spanish moss (rather than sapphires). White Bikini Sand is a glowing deep blue. The Grotto – the entire album – is this lovely old house with a wooden porch swing. I listen to that album and rock on that porch swing in the dark of midnight, just me, the stars and the night bugs. Kristin sings and the pictures appear, and it’s the most perfect place to be. It’s neither cold nor warm and the bugs don’t bite. A midnight Eden.

I could go on forever in my homage to the songs and their imagery. But my point is that every aspect of my life is better with this soundtrack. The songs are there for me when I’m happy. They’re there for me when I’m feeling sweet or angry or sad. When I’m really sad they understand if I ignore them for days. They don’t get insulted like people would, and they’re always there for me when I’m ready for them again. They morph and change with my life events and they never lie.

I will live every minute of my life loving this music as much as Kristin would want someone to love her music, if not more. I will breathe every breath of air for the rest of my life supporting these sounds. I will never take it for granted. I will always hear it with an open mind and let the songs say what they want to say. Sometimes they’re elusive, sometimes they’re up front and in my face. Whatever it is, I’m cool with it, because these songs are smarter than I’ll ever be. I’d be but a mere shell of myself without them, and I can never do that justice.

I had seen Paradoxical Undressing back in April in LA at The Getty Center. It was amazing and I loved it and found it very moving. Going into this one, I knew what to expect. But I had no idea how I’d react. In LA I made it to 37 Hours before crying (toward the end of the show), then sat in my seat, reflecting and crying, as the audience filed out. I wondered how my previous experience would shape or affect this one, I really had no idea what it’d be like.

I certainly didn’t expect to cry during every. single. song. All of them. Even the songs that didn’t make me cry as they started, I falsely thought I was good. Nope. I found halfway through the show that I was ramming my foot down into the floor, I guess trying to ground myself or push the emotion out through my leg. Luckily for everyone around me, I’m a quiet crier.

I drove home after that show in stunned silence, not wanting to let go of that experience. It’s truly incredible, and I’m not just saying that because I am biased. The art of Molly Cliff-Hilts is projected on the screen during the show. Molly paints to Kristin’s music and it’s amazing how those paintings *are* the songs. It’s the combination of the art art and seeing Kristin play the music that makes it so moving. The spotlight on Kristin while she reads is dimmed so as she plays the only light is from the projected images. It surrounds your senses and it’s incredibly beautiful.

Saturday night’s show in Woods Hole was completely different. Instead of crying I beamed with happiness all night. The Woods Hole Community Hall is this great classic Cape-style old building. It smelled of old wood (awesome) and was the perfect size for this special show. It had such a nice vibe to it, which also may be due in part by the energies in that room. We were right up front and the sound was perfect, too.

organized this show and opened for Kristin. Drew’s great, he’s a wonderful guitarist and singer, do check out that link and listen to his music. He set the perfect mood to lead into Kristin’s performance.

Kristin’s set was more like a solo show than it was her scripted Paradoxical show. She did some readings from the book and told some stories, but her set was mostly music. I had gone into this show without any expectations or preconceptions, as I normally try to do. This makes every song she plays a pleasant surprise (except maybe when I see sound check). I had known she had played songs from Sunny Border Blue at her recent Dublin show, but since I don’t think about that stuff before the show, I was pretty damn happy and surprised when she played Your Dirty Answer, White Suckers and Summer Salt from my favorite of her solo records.

Summer Salt is one of my favorite songs, I’m sure, as it always stands out for me. It’s such a FUN song. I was pretty damn psyched that she followed it up with Speed and Sleep, which may very well be my most favorite Throwing Muses song (although I’m not quite ready to make that statement, so don’t hold me to it). Add in Krait (I *will* state that this is my favorite of Kristin’s solo songs – it is the most perfect song for these ears) and it was like this set was made for me.

The only time I nearly cried was during the encore when Kristin played White Bikini Sand. A couple of lovely folks had recorded Throwing Muses performing this in the UK for me, because I couldn’t be there. I had seen part of it at sound check in Athens, GA and I loved *how* they were playing it. I played those recordings endlessly for a good week. I won’t tell you how much, that’d be embarrassing. Anyway, this nearly made up for missing the band play it overseas. What an incredible, incredible song. I’m so happy.

So where the Friday night show left me moved to the point of tears, this Saturday show had me beaming with joy and happiness about this music that I love more than pretty much anything. Two different shows, two different reactions, both equally incredible. I’ll say that forever. I love that equation. I love that one song can make me cry one night and the next it’s got me grinning like a dork. How amazing this music is. I’m so lucky to have it in my world. You are, too.

I’ve gotta say, I think it’s perfect.

It is absolutely a retrospective, a representation of who this band *is*, and as a fan of 24 years, I think it does a fabulous job. A “greatest hits” compilation would have been brainless and too simple, exactly what Throwing Muses is not. This collection of songs is smart, interesting and a bit quirky, and they’ll make you think. If that’s not perfect for Throwing Muses, I don’t know what is. And the remastering is so *bright*. It makes these songs shine. They stand proud as an embodiment of who Throwing Muses are.

The packaging is stunning, beautiful. I keep paging through the book, there’s so much to look at! I keep reading and re-reading Kristin’s essay, looking through the old tour routing and schedules and the fun little bits like “Please Play Mexican Woman” (love that). Kristin’s essay is deeply moving and I can’t really say anything that’d do it justice, really. The last page, though, makes me happy, content. Because this is right, all of it. What this band has done. What this band will do. How much we love them. How much they love us. A lovely, beautiful, diverse family.

The songs…. I’ve gotta start out by saying how extraordinarily *happy* it makes me that A Feeling is on this album. This is *my* song. The song that started it all for me. This blog is it’s namesake. A Feeling changed my life. The first time I heard this song I instantly knew I was home. I always thought it was the song that was just a bit too weird for most people, and I thought only I loved it as much as this, but it’s here, to help represent this band. Forever.

Two Step. Two Step used to make me sad. Sad enough that I often didn’t want to listen to it because it sounded like an ending. It was the end of Throwing Muses with Tanya. The final song on her final album. It was the end of her beautiful harmonies in Kristin’s songs. It was the end of her contributions, I did always so love her songs on the early records. The song itself was the period at the end of this band. The closing of a chapter. I traveled to NYC to see Tanya’s last show at the Marquee. At the time I thought that was gonna be it for this band I loved so much.

It wasn’t until I heard this Anthology that it really hit me that it was NOT the end of this band, just as Leslie’s departure wasn’t the end of this band. Nor was it the end when Kristin began her solo career. Nor was it the end when Throwing Muses had to stop touring and recording due to a lack of money when the music business imploded. The little band that could. They’re still recording. They’re still playing shows. They’re still here. Just like we are. I’m not going anywhere. So now, I’m downright fucking ecstatic because I now LOVE to listen to Two Step and it’s not going to make me sad ever again. And god, it’s gorgeous.

This Anthology has me falling in love all over again, when I never fell out of love at all. This collection of songs has me rediscovering them in a way very different from before. They’re pulled out of their protective album shell, and they’re placed amid these other heavy hitters so to speak, and they’re all standing out, making themselves known. I’m surprised, actually, at which songs have resonated with me most so far. They’re not always the songs I would have guessed. No Way in Hell. Mr. Bones. You Cage. Two Step.

Furious. I’ve realized that I love this song so much more than I ever thought I did. And previously I thought I loved it pretty damn much. I must have endless love in this song soul of mine, because I can’t get enough of this right now.

Mania. Each and every time I hear this song I say “Thank you” at the end, because I got so used to Kristin saying that as soon as the song ended at live gigs. It often ended the set, and there you go, “Thank you.” It’s almost like it’s part of the song for me, I saw that so many times. I love it.

I could go on and on about all these songs and I haven’t yet touched upon Disc 2. The b-sides. The hard to find songs. THIS has been a rediscovery.

Hillbilly. Damn, this song is such a great one and I really haven’t listened to it much in recent years, probably only because it kind of stands alone on that compilation. Opening the disc with that song gives Hillbilly the front row seat it’s always deserved.

Disc 2 made me notice just how many freakin’ covers Throwing Muses has done! OK, maybe it’s not that many, but kinda feels that way. They’re great though, these songs with the Throwing Muses personality shining through them too. A little different, a little wonderful. As my daughter said, “What’s with all the music?” in Amazing Grace. Why would we want these to sound the same as all the other renditions? That wouldn’t be like Throwing Muses to do anything uninteresting or *standard*. That’s why I love them.

Heel Toe: Heel Toe! Heel Toe is like a ballroom dance. It’s gorgeous and flowing and just so *sweet*. How wonderful that this is now here, on this CD, plucked out from it’s b-side spot? It’s got it’s chance to shine now too!

Not to be overlooked is Like a Dog. Listen to that song. Really *listen* to it. I’m not sure you can find a more interesting song. And it’s aching beauty? I can’t exactly find the words to do it justice. But it’s mossy. Soft, green moss. This is a good thing.

Limbobo. This is one song that I could listen to for hours. I wish the 4-minute outro would last for hours. If my heart could be timed to the beat of any song, I think I’d pick this one. It’d keep me alive forever.

The Red Eyes and Same Sun from the Season Sessions recordings hit me in such a way that the originals never did. It’s forever changed how I hear and feel those two songs, so it’s interesting to go back and revisit the original versions. The imagery I feel and the sensations I experience are here too, the Season Sessions versions just brought all that to the surface somehow.

I think I could talk about each of these songs for hours, and we’re probably much past the “too long, didn’t read” point.

In closing, to Kristin: “My favorite sound….. you make.” Love you. Love your band. Forever and always. xo.

It’s like these songs grab my face and demand my attention when they’re new and we’re getting to know each other. I learned this Japanese word recently – boketto – meaning “the act of gazing vacantly into the distance without thinking”. This is what I did with Chipping Teeth. I need a similar word which means “gazing vacantly into the distance feeling the music.” Absorbing it, making it a part of me. ‘Cause that’s what I do.

Watch and listen to Kristin Hersh’s Chipping Teeth:

My first impression of Bright was as this garden of happy calm, not of flowers, but a garden of leafy green. To lay in the soft, plush grass of sound under a bright blue sky and shining sun. Basking. Barefoot. Enveloped by guitar tones. Maybe I wanted to be somewhere pretty today, away from the drab, cold grayness of this Monday. Damn, this is a pretty video.

But then I let go of that, turned off my brain and just let it be. I focused on the day job for a while and let the song play in the background. It was on in the periphery and I realized in the end that it just feels bright blue and kelly green.

Just kinda leaving myself open and cool things are happening. Listen to Bright, or rather, watch Kristin Hersh play Bright.

Glass Cats
Dripping Trees
Cherry Candy
Freesia
Sunray Venus
Terra Nova “2″ (instr.)
Blurry
Milan
Folding Fire
Clark’s Nutcracker
Curtains
Triangle Quantico
Opiates
Film
Speedbath
Sleepwalking 3
Slippershell
Morning Birds 2
Static
Folding Fire “2″ (instr.)
Smoky Hands
Lazy Eye
Curtains 2
Triangle Quantico (again)
Morning Birds
Walking, Talking
Terra Nova
Sunray Venus “2″ (instr.)
Blurry 2
Sleepwalking
Sleepwalking 2
Cherry Candy 2
Smoky Hands “2″ (instr.)
Quick
Bluff
Dripping Trees 2

Is this not incredible? Seeing this the first time made me all tingly with anticipation of this epic record. I love that there are songs I don’t know, and versions of songs we haven’t heard yet. I love not knowing what to expect.

Looking at this sequence as it is, and assuming it stays this way somewhat, it’ll totally fuck with my head to have Dripping Trees before Cherry Candy. Not saying this is a bad thing, but it’ll fuck with my head.

I really am cool with this.

I LOVE that there are 1s and 2s of songs (and in Sleepwalking’s case: 3s). I can’t wait to hear what each of these songs share and how they’re different. And that Triangle Quantico, which is so close to my heart, I love that song so much, is on the record twice? That’s amazing. And I think it should always follow Curtains.

I am so lucky Throwing Muses is my favorite band.

I won’t tell you how many times I listened to this on repeat, but it’s a lot and it spanned more than a day. What I found addictive (mostly) is the “AHHHHH-AHHHHH-OHHHH”s at the end. I have no idea why it is that I love that part so much, but I find it so incredible that it makes me want to hear it again. and again. and again. It’s just perfect, the way the music flows, coupled with Kristin’s “AHHHHH-AHHHHH-OHHHH”s and DAMN, it’s just the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. (yeah, yeah, I know, I say THAT all the time too)

The first thing that struck me in this song, however, was the ping-pong drums. I love how as Kristin sings the words “ping-pong” Rob makes the drums sound like he’s pelting ping-pong balls around the room. That’s so great.

I love this band. These 4 songs have surpassed all my wildest dreams for what this album would bring to the table. I’m immensely happy that it’s going to be more than the EP as first planned, and that they’ve recorded more songs to make it a complete album. The even better part? I have NO IDEA what those other songs are or what they’ll be like. I’d like to keep it that way, til it’s their turn to make it to the CASH Music download page. I can’t wait to hear what they’ll be like, having been written and recorded a year after these first several songs. I’ve found these songs to be so individual and diverse, which makes anything else unpredictable. Exactly how I like it.

I love surprises.

I like to think I don’t focus on lyrics, and I really don’t, except that I liken them to a vocal instrument. When I can’t hear them so well it’s like I’m missing something. It leaves Bright with a little air of mystery in that regard. I’m cool with that. It’s such a young song that I don’t think we should know all its secrets yet.

Bright feels bright blue and kelly green to me. Bright, vivid lush warm-weather colors. It’s comfortable. Enveloping. Like long, plush dark green grass. I get lost in it.

Bright also has a song cousin which is very special to me. I’m not telling you which that may be, you’ll have to figure it out.

If you haven’t heard Bright, you’d better get on over to Kristin Hersh’s CASH Music page and sign in with your Strange Angels email and see the video. If you’re not a Strange Angel, you really should be.

I was so aggravated by the time I got home. I jumped right back online, since I still had my workday to finish and something told me to check the http://50footwave.cashmusic.org. Free Fall was up. I really needed it then.

I would’ve preferred to hear it when I was not half pissed off, but it did get me out of my funk although it took me a bit longer to feel it.

I really felt like I needed an afro the first couple of times I heard this, the grooviness popped out at me. Now I don’t focus on that so much anymore. It’s big. It’s beautiful. I love the lyrical quotes. The killer drums. The screaming guitar. The grooooooovy bass. It’s so strong. If songs were bones, Free Fall would be a femur.

These 50FOOTWAVE songs are so SMRT. (like that?) I love their brains and their complexity, my brain loves this, the structure, the precision. The perfection. I love how these first 3 songs have had such distinct personalities. They keep me thinking.

I’m so overwhelmed by Free Fall. It must seem like I’m ALWAYS overwhelmed. With Kristin’s music, I am.

Our delicate trauma.

The other day it was Cry Baby Cry that jumped out and grabbed my face. I was thrown back to 1987 and I was in my room with that lavender carpet, wearing out that Chains Changed EP because it was the greatest thing I had ever heard. I had NO IDEA what any of it meant but those sounds were like nothing I had ever heard before, I couldn’t get enough of them. No other music sounded like that. No other music felt so right. Now I can’t think about anything else.

Today I know the gist what it means and that’s not so great but I can still love it like it’s 1987 and not think of what it’s really saying and just love the sound. I feel guilty sometimes, for liking a song where Kristin sings about always getting sicker, because I really shouldn’t like that at all. But I can pretend I’m 17 again and naive and it’s just a song by this band I was lucky to discover and loved so much. And I can feel these sounds that are all over the place and so great and wonderful just the same as I did back then.

God, back then, there was no internet. I’d drive all over Long Island, going to every indie record store I could find, sometimes in really shitty places, pouring over vinyl in search of Throwing Muses records, buying every newspaper and zine I could find that mentioned Throwing Muses because I had no other way to find out more about this band that spoke to me like no other band ever did before. I remember finding Chains Changed in that little record store down by the lake. I remember buying it, and talking to the guy at the counter about the band. I asked him if he knew of more records by TM. Oddly I wasn’t shy, I just wanted more. I never did write to the fan club address though, because I WAS shy. I wouldn’t have known what to say.